YOU ****WANT TO CHECK THIS OUT!!!

http://undressedskeleton.tumblr.com/beforeandafter

Any South Afrikans?

...know how many calories are in Biltong?

I want to blog, but i never have anything to say anymore...

Do i tell you all how I seem to be failing so badly these days?

I have no strenghth, just

weakness.

And i'm gaining and gaining.

I can't even make my legs *not touch anymore when I pull them apart.

Fat.

Today I was asked what I love about myself, and it took my fuck long to think of something. But if the question was rephrased to, say... "What do you dispise about yourself" I would give you a non-ending list.

Challenge: Find what you love about yourself. Cherish it.

I eat sweets the whole day, have a tiny dinner, drink tea.

And of course, lots of water the whole day.

I have no idea if it's going to work, probably not, but i've learnt it's much easier if i don't try fight it.

Might get holes in my teeth though :(

Stay Strong,

From Ana

Come on skinny love just last the year
Pour a little salt we were never here
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer

I tell my love to wreck it all
Cut out all the ropes and let me fall
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Right in the moment this order's tall

I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
In the morning I'll be with you
But it will be a different "kind"
I'll be holding all the tickets
And you'll be owning all the fines

Come on skinny love what happened here
Suckle on the hope in lite brassiere
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Sullen load is full; so slow on the split

I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
Now all your love is wasted?
Then who the hell was I?
Now I'm breaking at the britches
And at the end of all your lines

Who will love you?
Who will fight?
Who will fall far behind?

I spent my day looking at eating disorder vids on youtube...

Things got deep.

I don't want to be thin.

People and lie and tell me i'm thin already.

I want to stop the room, draw people's attention just by walking.

I want to be SKINNY.

She looks good in ANYTHING so don't you dare tell me i'm dumb to want to be skinny!!

Fear

When we were Children we'd play

out on the streets just dipped in fate.

When we were Children we'd say

that we didn't know the meaning of

Fear

I miss Bella :(

Know that you're loved, your new red hair and all ;) :P

A Bit of a Catch Up

I was about to leave Blogger, and start a new blog on Tumblr - actually I did, but it was horrible, I hate it, and it really doesn't compare with blogger at all!! Plus people that I know are there, so i would definitely not be able to talk about what's mostly on my mind...

So I went to China, and I came back. It was THE 2 best, most amazing weeks of my entire life, i can't even begin to explain how amazing it was!

Although i made quite a few self revelations, one being that i am literally a stupid human being. In all honesty... i'm like one of those dumb blondes people can't stand to talk to. yet i get 98% average for my maths term mark O.o...

Anyway... In China, I hit 56kg! FINALLY! But, and I kid you not, we ate every single meal. Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner. I sometimes skipped, but was barely able to. And I haven't mastered the art of refusing food when people are noticing, so I ate. But i tried to not eat much.

But since everyone on the tour was sick of Chinese food, we went to McDonalds. every. single. day. for. two. freaken. weeks!!!

And we had Ice cream every single day. I tried to control the McDonalds as much as possible, but I won't lie, I sometimes had more than 2 ice creams a day. I'm pretty much pathetic, yeah I know.

Upside: We walked literally everywhere. The Great Wall was amazing, and *such a workout! So that's possibly why I never came back a whale, but just 2kg heavier, in other words... back to where i started...

I have a lot to say, but I hate boring you with long posts. As well as the fact that I came back to about 10 new followers O.O

I still don't know how the hell that happened, or what you all see in me, but wow guys...

I struggle to find time to blog and follow and comment, but if you're new, please leave a comment so i can check out your blog when I can :)

I miss this place :(

I Pay My Respects...

To All Bulimics out there, Here's my respect.

I just Puked... For the first time, i did it legitimately.

Today I was meant to starve, and I ate 4 croissants, and 2 slices of quiche...

And because I've read so many bulimia blogs, i knew some tricks;

drink water, drink water, drink water, mix it up, drink water, and away you go...

I barely brought up a thing and i just couldn't do it anymore.

I got exhausted, my throat was sore, and nothing more was coming, so i stopped.

And to think that this monster haunts some of you more than once a day, for i think hours...

I weep and i cry for you, and i respect you for having the strength to continue, because honestly, i will admit, i am just too weak for such.

It may mean i'm going to become obese, but so be it...

I have the most horrible feeling today. When everything is happening for me, people are doing big things for, and everyone in my life is so fucking amazing.

And God continues to give and give and give.

And i'm listening to the most orgasmic music ever - Bon Iver...

I can't handle it when everything is amazing like this. it makes me sad because i obviously don't deserve it... and there's nothing i can do to MakeupforitStopitChangeit... i just can't handle things going right! it's depressing me that I CAN be so happy.

I'M FUCKING FLYING TO CHINA ON FUCKING MONDAY FOR FUCKING FOURTEEN DAYS!!!

And i don't even want to MENTION everything else that's going right . . .

Everything that i don't deserve...

- Capture it. Live it. Love it. Laugh.

Breathe.

It's 3pm and i'm feeling like a Champ just because i haven't even had sweets today.

Only lollipops have touched my lips.

But it's 3 o clock.

And im about to fail... I can feel it.

I want to find the person who's longing to get a hug as much as I'm longing to give one . . .

Haven't found anyone yet,

but i have a feeling that they're all around me . . .

- stolen from Helen's blog. I think she could do with a hug a lot of the time... (sends one her way)

They say she's too skinny,

But how intense is that?

Her body?

I will never understand the concept of being

too

skinny.

Her Blog makes me cry almost everytime I read it.

I wonder if she knows.

She doesn't

Follow Me On Twitter Please :)

@CordsAnnor

And I'll follow back :)

I hate that moment when you deperately need to hug someone because they desperately need a hug, but all you have is CyberSpace and Distance :(

New people are still following me X_X especially now that i've become so horrible with commenting, reading and following back X_X...

Well come Newbies, I miss u people who i knew, and i'm dreadfully sorry i've disappeared... I give you permission to unfollow!

And then she read back on her past.

at least a person from her past.

Someone she has, and always will love, even though they don't regard her as anything...

And then she cried.

And then she cut.

And then she felt nothing again.

BiancaBoni, believe it or not, who knows why, but i love u, even when you forget about me.

Respect for the fact that you are you.

♥Tea♥HotChocolate♥ColdWeather♥Boots♥Hunger♥

A few things that make my winter that much better...

I'm so happy that it's finally here :)

I can see my hipbones again!!! :)

Oh happy days :)

3 more kg till im back where i ended off.

#GameFace

I'm really tired of going on movie dates with boys... it all seems so forces and ugggg... i just can't anymore -_-"

I haven't been on many, but it's still too much! so no... i will not watch a movie with you...

and i hate day-time dates thank you very much

When do I my problems get to be worth worrying about?

It makes me wonder what would happen if I told you, and you told me?

If we both found out about each other?

Would you be my Ana buddy, or would you talk me out of it?

Or would you see me as a stupid little girl,

way in over her head?

It's so easy for some people.
why does it have to consume ours?
How did she do it? Starve herself without developing a mental disorder?

I keep eating porridge.

i cut again.

i'm not depressed.

i'm sad but not depressed.

i'm just numb.

And i cut anyway.

second time in two days.

I think i might have a mental problem?

or am i just trying to make myself feel special when i'm not?

it burns.

I realize my last post could have sounded a bit suicidal.

But I'm fine.

Done.

It's all gone.

I'm empty.

I'm free.

The scars of yesterday won't show for a while...

but they'll always be carried.

Pretty pretty please don't u ever ever feel like you're nothing --> You're Fucking perfect! To me.