YOU ****WANT TO CHECK THIS OUT!!!

http://undressedskeleton.tumblr.com/beforeandafter

Any South Afrikans?

...know how many calories are in Biltong?

I want to blog, but i never have anything to say anymore...

Do i tell you all how I seem to be failing so badly these days?

I have no strenghth, just

weakness.

And i'm gaining and gaining.

I can't even make my legs *not touch anymore when I pull them apart.

Fat.

Today I was asked what I love about myself, and it took my fuck long to think of something. But if the question was rephrased to, say... "What do you dispise about yourself" I would give you a non-ending list.

Challenge: Find what you love about yourself. Cherish it.

I eat sweets the whole day, have a tiny dinner, drink tea.

And of course, lots of water the whole day.

I have no idea if it's going to work, probably not, but i've learnt it's much easier if i don't try fight it.

Might get holes in my teeth though :(

Stay Strong,

From Ana

Come on skinny love just last the year
Pour a little salt we were never here
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer

I tell my love to wreck it all
Cut out all the ropes and let me fall
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Right in the moment this order's tall

I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
In the morning I'll be with you
But it will be a different "kind"
I'll be holding all the tickets
And you'll be owning all the fines

Come on skinny love what happened here
Suckle on the hope in lite brassiere
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Sullen load is full; so slow on the split

I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
Now all your love is wasted?
Then who the hell was I?
Now I'm breaking at the britches
And at the end of all your lines

Who will love you?
Who will fight?
Who will fall far behind?

I spent my day looking at eating disorder vids on youtube...

Things got deep.

I don't want to be thin.

People and lie and tell me i'm thin already.

I want to stop the room, draw people's attention just by walking.

I want to be SKINNY.

She looks good in ANYTHING so don't you dare tell me i'm dumb to want to be skinny!!

Fear

When we were Children we'd play

out on the streets just dipped in fate.

When we were Children we'd say

that we didn't know the meaning of

Fear

I miss Bella :(

Know that you're loved, your new red hair and all ;) :P

A Bit of a Catch Up

I was about to leave Blogger, and start a new blog on Tumblr - actually I did, but it was horrible, I hate it, and it really doesn't compare with blogger at all!! Plus people that I know are there, so i would definitely not be able to talk about what's mostly on my mind...

So I went to China, and I came back. It was THE 2 best, most amazing weeks of my entire life, i can't even begin to explain how amazing it was!

Although i made quite a few self revelations, one being that i am literally a stupid human being. In all honesty... i'm like one of those dumb blondes people can't stand to talk to. yet i get 98% average for my maths term mark O.o...

Anyway... In China, I hit 56kg! FINALLY! But, and I kid you not, we ate every single meal. Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner. I sometimes skipped, but was barely able to. And I haven't mastered the art of refusing food when people are noticing, so I ate. But i tried to not eat much.

But since everyone on the tour was sick of Chinese food, we went to McDonalds. every. single. day. for. two. freaken. weeks!!!

And we had Ice cream every single day. I tried to control the McDonalds as much as possible, but I won't lie, I sometimes had more than 2 ice creams a day. I'm pretty much pathetic, yeah I know.

Upside: We walked literally everywhere. The Great Wall was amazing, and *such a workout! So that's possibly why I never came back a whale, but just 2kg heavier, in other words... back to where i started...

I have a lot to say, but I hate boring you with long posts. As well as the fact that I came back to about 10 new followers O.O

I still don't know how the hell that happened, or what you all see in me, but wow guys...

I struggle to find time to blog and follow and comment, but if you're new, please leave a comment so i can check out your blog when I can :)

I miss this place :(

I Pay My Respects...

To All Bulimics out there, Here's my respect.

I just Puked... For the first time, i did it legitimately.

Today I was meant to starve, and I ate 4 croissants, and 2 slices of quiche...

And because I've read so many bulimia blogs, i knew some tricks;

drink water, drink water, drink water, mix it up, drink water, and away you go...

I barely brought up a thing and i just couldn't do it anymore.

I got exhausted, my throat was sore, and nothing more was coming, so i stopped.

And to think that this monster haunts some of you more than once a day, for i think hours...

I weep and i cry for you, and i respect you for having the strength to continue, because honestly, i will admit, i am just too weak for such.

It may mean i'm going to become obese, but so be it...